Monday, March 29th 2021

7:43 P.M.

It didn’t even look like a proper veggie pizza, but at least it served its purpose as a vegetarian meal. Other than mushrooms, carrots, and cabbage, I added some mozzarella cheese on top. At that point, it still looked good not gonna lie.

I got some leftover pizza sauce (which I made using my homegrown basil yay), so I spread more pizza sauce. I saw to my left, a chunk of mozzarella cheese that didn’t make it through so I booped it on the middle.

I kept adding toppings & ingredients until it was too much. You might be ugly but I’d still gonna eat you, don’t worry, monster pizza.

I like onion so so so much I was thinking of piling up on top of pizza, thank god I didn’t do it. Otherwise it was going to be a mountain pizza and you couldn’t taste the dough at all.

Ok i’m out of words. Let’s just post some junks i took.

Istg i love this hange-levi duo

It’s matcha ice cream mochi, I didn’t steam the batter I just cooked it on stove (instant way). Tasted a bit floury but saved the hassle.

It’s a pain in the ass to make mochi giving the amount of flour on the counter, kneading while it’s hot, wrap it without tearing it apart. I love mochi sm otherwise I wouldn’t do this shit. My mom bought me taro mochi from Taiwan oh it was gOoOd (im not a taro fan)

Used to buy chocolate mousse mochi at Singapore but expensive af my brokeass couldn’t buy it daily. I miss froyo :(:(/():(: and old chang kee but mostly llaollao and yole by the way they’re opening llaollao here soon YAS i need to stop eating sweets cause BICTH, YOU ARE HERE TO RIDE, NOT TO DIE.

Tomorrow go buy some strawberries and we’re gonna make fruit salad WITH YOGURT, MILK, AND SUGAR. At least it’s better than eating some fatty greasy cookies with no nutritions

But they’re so good

But they’re gonna bring you to GRAVE

THEY’RE GONNA MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A BLOB. OR AN OLDIE. OR YOU’RE GONNA STUCK IN THE BED WITH TUBES.

I don’t know man let’s just go with fruit salad this time, I love strawberries anyway

Bye gonna make lemon cake which my aunt ordered. Lemon curd is the best, honestly, cake + whipped cream = underrated. It’s not getting the hype it deserves

I said I didn’t have words and look. More words. Bear with me

Warmest Regards,

C

Saturday, March 26th 2021

12:58 A.M.

Dear Cheerio,

Okay. It’s time to make a change. I was born from a coochie without my consent TO BE TOSSED IN THIS WORLD, and yo, you had the same fate too.

Boom! We’re all here. Everything’s in chaos. I have no idea of anything. But, I don’t wanna be a whiny sissy being all like:

“Oh, this world is shitty.” “I have no one.” “You just don’t understand the pain.” “I wish I could be somebody else.”

She’s got silver spoon, he’s good looking, they have huge social circles, they’re smart, omg I wish I was them.

So what? We’re all got different start point in our life, doesn’t mean that we can’t get at the finish line together? Doesn’t mean that I can’t get there duh??

I’ve heard this somewhere, something like “It’s better to do things half-assed than doing nothing at all.” STOP WHINING, GRUMBLING, HATING ON EVERYTHING. Just move your ass and get there.

Too many dishes piling up? Fuck it, just wash some of it. Too lazy to workout? Just jog for 15 minutes, or even 5 minutes.

Whatever you do, at least make some progress out of it. Even it’s not a big one, it’s better than no walking at all.

I suck at making commitments. Bullet journals, diet plans, relationships, work, etc. I know it’s kind of wrong, however I think I haven’t found a method that suits myself.

So, I printed every months this year (excluding January and February since it’s passed). I want to keep track on bad habits and the process of “glowing up” myself both internally and externally. It’s time to be a better person.

I just did my workout today, and oh boy I think I cracked my back bones. It’s been awhile since I sweat because of the pandemic situation. I’m more a sports > exercise person. You’re welcome to invite me to play football, badminton, jogging, cycling, swimming, basketball, or other sports. But, don’t ever. EVER. INVITE ME TO A GYM.

The reason I’m exercising is because I’m terrified of getting sick, as in diabetes, clogged arteries, heart attack, etc. In addition, I’m a sweets fan which may make the situation worse. Those diseases don’t have age restriction, so.. yikes 😡 Because if I want to keep living, I have to live healthily. Otherwise, I’d k*ll myself if I was going to end up as a living corpse. HEALTH MATTERS!!

I decided to wash my face with face wash every night and doing face mask every week. Usually, I’ve only washed my face with water when I’m in the shower lol.

SO BOO YAH! I’m gonna be THAT bitch. Watch out world. Just kidding, I just want to live for myself and not to seek validation from someone else. Period.

Tuesday, March 23rd 2021

9:38 P.M.

And suddenly it’s a perfect Sunday

And everything is more real than life

I think I’m back in the dream

I think I’m back on the ceiling

It’s such a beautiful feeling

Going up

She lights me up

She breaks me up

She lifts me up

Sunday, March 21st 2021

8:32 P.M.

Dear cheerio,

I used to have a perfect life—at least in my eyes. I was born in a loving family with annoying but sweet siblings. My mom was the humblest and most patient person I’ve ever known. She always taught me to be a good person no matter how bad the others had done to you. Because in the end, it was going to hurt you more than them.

My dad, on the other hand, never said words beyond 2 sentences. He was never the type to show affection bluntly. That time I told mom I craved jackfruit, boom! Daddy got you a whole hugeass jackfruit the next day without saying anything.

We had money. We lived comfortably. My siblings and I used to buy consoles whenever they first came out. We wanted something? We got it.

My teachers in school were caring too. My classmates and I were solid. We went field trip, camping, paintball games, and others together as a unity. I used to sleep early so I could go to school the next day. That was how I excited I was about everything in my life.

I never thought that far when I was a child. How lucky I was to be able to enjoy things like that. I took it for granted. Thinking it was normal, basic, that every child had access to.

Everything started to shatter apart when I entered high school. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer stage 4. I was bullied by this bitch who was mad only because I wouldn’t answer a personal question. My family were struggling financially because we spent billions for my dad’s chemotherapy in China.

After sessions of chemotherapy and controlling the tumor cells, my dad had finally gone stable. He exceeded my aunt’s prediction. And when our family could breathe once a while, a storm revisited.

Now, my dad is super weak. He got liters of liquid inside his body—which we had it removed but still didn’t solve the problem. The local hospital seemed incompetent to diagnose the situation. They had no concrete diagnosis to support the conditions. In addition, because of the pandemic we couldn’t go overseas without spending lots of millions and inconveniences.

I didn’t dare to face my dad because I knew, I would cry. I stayed out—probably looking like idgaf about my dad’s condition to other people. I know, the last thing to add in this situation is negativity which I would add if I weep. Everyone has to be strong and optimistic, and I plan to stay that way—at least in front of my family.

With love,

C

I hadn’t been able to talk freely. I used to talk to myself—which has stopped—because some people pointed out how bizzarre it was. Offline, online, acquaintances, people with close connections, I was tired of their prejudices. However, I still intended to keep myself sane.

I will post bunch of phrases, paragraphs, or essays which may make no sense whenever and wherever I feel like the urge to. They will be followed with a picture to describe the feeling at the moment.

It is just one of those stupid diaries, journals, or whatever you decide to call it.

It is also a message in a bottle for someone who was with me since I was little.